Crash…smash…bang…tinkle…What the…? I lept out of bed and out into the porch, but it was down the stairs. I put on the first pair of shoes I could find, ten year old Merrell sandals. In the racks of trail shoes the first thing that came to hand was a pair of old sandals that I haven’t worn for a two years. Anyway, I was down the stairs and it was a sight of utter carnage. The recycling bin was over, it’s contents strewn everywhere. The plant pots were smashed the earth scattered all over, the screams, oh the screams. And the sight of a screeching fat bastard ginger cat leaping six feet in the air trying to get through the window.

Did I mention this was taking place at 0450 this morning?

I was going to open the window and let it discover two flights worth of gravity, but I ran back up and got a long handled brush instead. The cat may have been pyschotic by nature, but I was now psychotic by choice as Holly had woken all shaking and tearful at the horrendous noise, plus I was taller and had a brush. It was like trying to catch a salmon leaping up a waterfall with a hand held net, probably. But I persuaded it mid-jump half way down the stairs and finally out the door. It wanted me, it wanted me badly. No one had ever spoken to it as I had done. It’ll be thinking hard and regrouping.

I’ll be ready.

8 thoughts on “Jonesy?”

  1. Classic. Used to live in London and the ground floor flat I rented had a catflap in the backdoor. One night I had uninvited guest. Thoughts immediately turned to it being a burglar so I reached for something I could use to clatter somebody with and creeped toward the kitchen. Opened the door, flicked on the light and this cat screeched and got it’s ass out the door in a second flat. Once my heart-rate dropped I saw the funny side… made sure the catflap could never open again though!!

  2. There were squirrels getting in a catflap of a house I was working in a while back. That was good dead tame they were.

    I’ll ruiuned today, I never got back to sleep.

  3. Ah, that reminds me of the time, many years ago, when my poor mother started screaming in the bathroom because something was “making a noise” under the bath.
    Once I managed to break in/bypass the door lock and get a rather shaken parent out to her room, I investigated – I pulled one corner of the bath side panel out and poked a torch in, only to find a poor sparrow going out of it’s mind flapping about in the dark under the bath!
    It seems it had gotten into the loft and somehow managed to fall down the shaft taking the main water pipes down into the bathroom and had ended up under the bath.
    Once I had opened the door into the hall and the hall window, I took the bath panel off and the sparrow leapt for the daylight, stopping for a few secs to compose itself on the bannister at the top of the stairs before shooting out the window, at which point my mother finally relaxed enough to smile, before returning to finish her bath.

    A hardy breed, mothers !!!

  4. Aye indeed :o)

    Unexpected animal in the home scenarios are always an interesting time. We have the unconscious owl (knocked itself out flying into the window) that woke up in the kitchen and didnae like it, tha bat that got trapped in the lampshade and the gerbil loose on a boat to cover later…

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