Electile Dysfunction

So who are we all voting for? Let’s look at the options…

Labour, the current overseers. Untrustworthy incompetent Tory wannabees. They’ve eroded our civil freedoms, ruined what was left of the economy, treat us all like we’re idiots and repeatedly invade countries that America tells them to. They think they’re going to get away with it and should be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.
Conservative, The Phantom Menace. They destroyed British industry the last time they were in to teach the unions a lesson, treat Scotland like a cross between a car park and a council tip. Their personel remain suspiciously shiny. They think we’ve all forgotten what a shower of bastards they are and should be holding labour’s hand as they line up against the wall with them when the revolution comes.
LibDem, neither up nor doon. They want to be your friend so badly, but I do worry about them. If they got into power it’s a bit like a train spotter suddenly being asked to drive the north-bound express from Kings Cross. Sure, he knows what it all looks like, he’s read the manual by torchlight under the bedcovers so many times. But stick him in the driving seat and he’s going panic when he has to stop at Glasgow Central and he’ll put the train straight through WHSmith at 125mph and into the street outside. 
SNP, my local folk. They gave me my first real Scottish government (the previous Labour one in Edinburgh doesn’t count as Blair was in charge of it) and then they approve the Beauly-Denny powerline and kiss Donald Trumps golf-flavoured arse to burst my bubble and leave me distraught. They’re not the party I’ve voted for all my life anymore.
Green. I’d rather have a single huge well funded and properly maintained nuclear plant (possibly on the site of the O2 Arena in London?) than a country that looks like a hedgehog from the air (think about it).
Assorted pointless others. Stay at home instead with your oddly specific agendas/ undeserved optimism/ nazi memorabilia/ nice new ties, keep your deposit and prepare for the worst.

We really need change, and I don’t think any of the useless bastards above can provide it.
I think we should chose someone to invade and take over things. My first instinct would be the new colourful daleks as they’d be quite cheerful while dishing out the misery, my second would maybe be some sort of Scandinavian expansionist coalition. No, no, ancient Egyptians, that’d be cool.
Sinbad the Sailor for Prime Minister? Peppa Pig, a tin of Plumrose Hotdogs?

Would it really be any worse.

33 thoughts on “Electile Dysfunction”

  1. So reading between the lines, is this a call for ‘Petesy for President’? You could change the national anthem to the Star Trek theme tune. Imagine that if/when we won a medal at the Olympics.

  2. It’s depressing isn’t it? I’ve been politically ‘interested’ all my life, and have found myself at every election since I could vote (’83 first time) trying to get rid of the current incumbents in the hope of something better. This time the current incumbents surely deserve the boot… but something better? – it’s just not out there. I’ve never been so disinterested in all the vacuous campaigning noises :((

  3. Petesy your blog is broke! I’m sure this is usually the place I visit in the mornings to cheer myself up! :-)

  4. Well not the usual website fair, but I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, I feel the same way about our so called Scottish Party, too in bed with big business and determined to ruin that which everyone on here loves. I’m ashamed I voted for them at the last elections, I mistakenly thought they would mean ‘change’.

  5. I was going to say there’s no hope but that would be wrong. There’s always hope! There just doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel yet.

  6. I’m trying not to get excited (as it’ll probably all go terribly) but this could be the best opportunity yet to sort out the joke that we call democracy in this country.

    I’m likewise not enthused by any of the parties, but the prospect of a hung parliament, and an opportunity for electoral reform that could banish the one party majority on a piddling percentage of the vote leaves the faintest little glimmer of hope on the horizon for me.

    Let’s hope we the voters don’t balls it up.

  7. Never voted – guess I’m a genuine anarchist at heart but then I never complain about who’s in power. They all do whatever they want when they are in office, promises go out of the window, so I’ll just pay whatever dues I’m asked for and ignore any laws I see as interference in my life. Democracy is a failed institution in my mind, as is capitalism but to be honest, as long as I have personal peace of mind, I don’t mind who rules me. Bring on the VIKINGS!

  8. Whoever wins and i always vote as you have to have your say will never be able to replace the long time removed Great from Great Britain. This once Great nation has been given away by total incompetent leadership and unbelievable decision making over the years and has now become a laughing stock on the world stage. Unless we introduce a complete overhaul of how things are now it will only get worse. My grandparents would be turning in their graves if they could see it now.

  9. I totally agree, but think I’ve resolved to vote LibDem, lets face it, they can’t make a worse job of it then Labour have and it’s pretty unlikely they’ll take us into an illegal war. Notice the complete lack of any mention of Iraq by Lab/Con in the ‘debate’?

    They think we’re all zipped up the back of the heid. Twats.

  10. Does it matter, you vote for a different head on a three headed dog, what is going behind the scenes is still the same old body! Slaves to private banking interests paying off interest on a national debt, still fed lies and having our civil liberties stripped because of a perceived terorist threat. To truly see how poor the British system is, little over 200 mps voted on the Digital Economy bill, probably one of the most vile pieces of legislation in our lifetime, a bill originally proposed by the unelected Mandelson, having spent time at the Rothschild villa in the Med, whilst the other guest was David Geffen! So yes parliament is for sale! The ultimate problem, remember the slimy kid who wanted to be on the school conucil, always volunteered, etc. Well these are the people who become elected officials, we are being ruled by the kids with NHS specs and a runny nose!

  11. I had to switch the computer back on last night as I wanted to write that stuff above as it was on my mind.

    For the first time in my life I really don’t know what I’m going to do on polling day.

    Punch someone wearing a rosette maybe?

  12. aye or tell your local MP to f*ck off when she phones you at 7pm on election night and asks why you’ve not voted yet!! I thought it was anonymous. (Aye I know they tick your name off the list when you go in)… but anyway that was the first time I’d ever heard of/from her!

  13. I hate to admit it, but our MP is great on a local level. Easy to contact and gets stuff done.
    It’s a pity he’s not up as an independant.

  14. I always had the same feeling when voting in Ireland, in Sweden it feels surreal to have to vote for a party because it’s the one that matches best with what you want the government to do, and not because it’s the least corrupt party, or the party that you believe is so incompetent it can’t do so much damage to the country.

    If there’s one thing I could send home from Sweden it’s the politics.

    I also love the fact that in Sweden people are never satisfied with the parties, and there is absolutely no tolerance of corruption. In Ireland when the inevitable corruption stories hit the press the reaction of most people is to shrug their shoulders and say ‘Well what can you do, they’re all the same’…

  15. I don’t know why we put up with the crap here, is it that we’re powerless, lazy, tired of it all?
    When Labour got in back in ’97 ago there was a feeling that it would all be better after a million years of the tories. But it wasn’t, just differently bad.

    Democracy is a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t work properly the way we’ve got it wired up.

  16. I’m wi chewy !
    SNP party of wobbly heads and nervous nods !
    No suprise when certain people are vouching for criminals and trying to het them off prosecution !

  17. We don’t need politicians, just neutral civil servants to work the machinery.
    Just give us all a muliple choice questionaire every month..
    Would you like to pass this law? Yes/No
    Would you like to invade this sandy country? Yes/No
    Would you like to be barcoded at birth (submitted by Labour)? Yes/No

  18. This could turn out to be the most debated thread you’ve put up, i think. But one thing we probably all have in common, if our views/opinions differ, is we are not at all happy in how it is. Other European countries would never have put up with whats gone on here, think France, at least they get out on the streets and let their feelings be known. Still we can all head to the hills and think f**k the lot of em. That seems to work for me, lol, until you get home and turn on the TV and pick up a paper.

  19. Aye, the only thing that would would cause more debate would be if I said something uncomplimentary abour Alpkit again :o)

  20. “When Labour got in back in ‘97 ago there was a feeling that it would all be better after a million years of the tories. But it wasn’t, just differently bad.”

    Interestingly, I was talking about that in my lecture this morning – the exhilaration that ‘things could only get better’ followed a few years later by realisation, and comparing it to the ‘honeymoon’ period Roman emperors had at the start of their reigns. Only my students were too young to remember that night, they were all tucked up in bed! :-(

    There’s always Plaid down here, but their manifesto is a hotch-potch of Welsh, national, and international issues, and is just so parochial in some areas. Given that their principal aim is the establishment of an independent Welsh nation (which in my view is totally non-viable economically), I really can’t support them despite them having some socialist policies that I do approve of.

  21. Funny, I’d like to see some more (More? are there currently any in operation?) socialist policies out there despite believing in capitalism.
    I think that folk with talent, enterprise, ambition and profit making ability should be both applauded and taxed.
    We shouldn’t all be made equal, but not everyone has the talent and resourses to be success, but that doesn’t mean that they have to be a failure.

    Where the hell does that put me on the political spectrum? Who’s got purple rosettes?

  22. Looks like you have started a good one here…

    I am in the same boat as a lot of other people just now. As i dont have a scooby on who i am going to give my X to on May the 6th.

    Up until now i have voted for snp at every election. But there is no way there getting my vote this year. They say they have Scotland’s interests at heart. Bollox the only interests they have to heart are there own.

    Just like the rest of the thieving, lying, corrupt, untrustworthy scumbags that try and tell us how to live our live’s.

    Maybe i will vote for the apathy party on May the 6th… If i can be bothered.

    Viva La Revolution

  23. Well, be careful, Returning Officers may exercise some discretion in what they accept as a valid vote – a well (or badly) placed smiley may be counted!!

  24. What about the Monster-Raving-Loony Party? Not so daft – the MRLP were the first to propose passports for dogs. They also maintain that anyone who stands as a MRLP candidate, and gets elected, must immediately resign as being corrupt and untrustworthy. As Labour, Tory and now sadly the SNP have all proven this to be true – perhaps we should look to the Loonies?

  25. I’d trust them more than anybody else I think.

    We should all vote for someone who really isn’t expecting to win just to see what happens :o)

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